WE’RE HAVING A BABY!
I can’t believe I’m talking about my pregnancy story right now. I mean when I was younger, I’ve always imagined getting married and having kids and all that good stuff but when I got to that age where all this stuff actually happens, I couldn’t even picture myself being a mom and being in charge of a whole other human being I literally made. I definitely still feel like a kid so picturing myself having one of my own was bizarre to me.
The day I found out was an extremely stressful day. I was putting off taking a pregnancy test because I was terrified of finding out and I kept pushing it back. It wasn’t until my husband went out by himself and bought me a bunch of pregnancy tests and I still managed to put it off for a couple days after that. I finally got the courage to take one (with the help of my husband’s nagging) and saw the two dashes and time just froze. I felt like my life was over. That all my future plans were going to be ruined. It sounds so childish and selfish typing it out right now but that was truly how I felt. And I hated that I was ruining what was supposed to be such a special moment for my husband and I but I just couldn’t help it. I was feeling very overwhelmed and that I wasn’t ready to be a mom. I was also feeling guilty because so many people long to have this moment and I easily got it and wasn’t appreciative of it.
I calmed down and slowly accepted the news after making an appointment with my doctor but it definitely wasn’t an easy journey. I would have days where I would do nothing but cry and think of how unprepared I was for everything coming up in the near future. It also wasn’t helping that I had a really rough first trimester. I was nauseous all the time and didn’t have any energy to stay active after trying my best to stick to my work out routine. My mood and energy were also affecting my work and how I taught my dance classes so I was extremely upset about that. It got a lot better when I got to my second trimester and started to feel a little like myself again. I still have days where I feel completely overwhelmed and unprepared for the future but with the support of my family, I’m getting more and more excited about this new journey.
I’m still very unprepared and in need of like a bajillion things for me and the baby but I’m slowly but surely feeling like I’m excited for this new journey and feeling like I actually can do this. I really wanted to share my story to show anyone who needs it that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies during that time like everyone assumes it would be. I felt really alone when I was experiencing the stress and anxiety I felt when I found out I was pregnant because I thought no one felt that way. I always saw happy pictures/videos and amazing pregnancy reveals and I thought that would definitely be me in the future so I felt like I wasn’t normal reacting the way I did but it was me and I had to accept it. If my story helps at least one person reading this feel “normal” for acting however way they did when they found out, then it was definitely worth it!
